The title seems rude but its nowhere near what I felt yesterday.  I seldom get close to people. I pick the people I hang out with, not because I think I am better than anyone else... its just that ... well.. Basta! 

Ok... moving forward. Choey left for abroad without any word to any of us. I felt kinda bad because it is a manifestation that he was never the friend I thought he would be. 

A very wise and intelligent person once told me: You are so blessed that if ever you feel that people took advantage over you or did something bad to you, always remember that you are more blessed and whatever they did to you could never commensurate to all the blessings you are receiving now. So dont waste your energy hating them or what they did. It's already part of the past... move on.

After spending almost 3 hours in the car repair shop, I was already driving myself home when I heard that odd sound on my dad's car. I made a u-turn and  returned to the car shop. I told them I can still hear an odd sound and without any question they took the car and fixed it in half an hour. It was at this moment that I realized how difficult it is to be from point A to point B. At first, its all about my driving. It was during this week with all the craziness of my schedule that I spent so much time driving and on a holiday, I was in a car repair shop?!! To think, I am not supposed to be doing this because (1) it aint my car (2) its such an "ungirly" thing to do and (3) for pete's sake its the holidays! I am supposed to relax rather than sit in a dusty repair shop trying to decipher all the terms the guys were telling me about my dad's car.
Enough mumbling, I have repeatedly blogged about change in my life... how much I yearn for it... thus point A to point B. But to battle my fears of leaving my comfort zone, I realized it is very difficult. I have to let go of so many habits that I am used to... habits that turned into vices. Its a conscious effort and I am keeping my fingers crossed I will succeed in this undertaking. So painstakingly difficult. What should I do? Where to now? How should I take my first step? Should I take it now? what if? what if?  

People are looking at me funny whenever I tell them that I am in serious need of a vacation after my one month leave. But time is catching up on me. I need to get a serious move on and sad thing is I dont know where to start. I thought about studying again but after studying, what's next? I have yet to know my mission. I know I am blessed. I live a comfortable life and a lot of people are envious of what I have and what I am but I stil have that gaping hole inside, a big void in my life. I dont want to think anymore. I am tired of being paranoid with all the what if questions but what is there for me to do? What am I supposed to do? Am I really twisted to not figure out what I should be doing? Am I that blind to not know the obvious? Lord, help me. 

note to self: snap out of it! I remember a number of times that I was mean and snobby to shoo away people and choose the people I encounter with. That's the idealistic me manifesting but I am getting my karma. For the past few days I threw away my pride. Scratch that. For the past few months, I've gone berserk and my all sanity and pride disappeared into thin air leaving me schizo and just totally mad. I really need to snap out of it and move on. Yes, thats what I really need. Movement in my life but where should I start? And no, I didnt fall in love. 

It must be the people I have encountered these past few days or my idealistic attitude that made me depressed. So where should we start?

Friends K and T:
We have been friends for a couple of years already. But I took offense when they told me bluntly that they invited me because of my car?

Choey
This kid has been the subject of numerous blog entries, all of which are positive. Perhaps, its because of my high regard of this kid that the incident last Thursday night made me really disappointed at him/her. I have thought of him/her as my younger sibling. Even my mother is so fond of him. So imagine my disappointment when s/he announced onstage an information that I told him/her because I consider him/her as a friend. I would like to think that if s/he did consider us as his/her friends, s/he would not make that slip and release that information. I have long tried to dismiss the idea that the reason why s/he kept the communication with me is because s/he could gain something from it. I am so hoping that what happened that night was not a confirmation of that idea because I am still fond of him. I never thought a friend could break your heart, then again, maybe s/he was never a friend. Sad indeed

Ms. Insensitive
I never thought a person could be so self-centered and insensitive. For someone who belongs to a privileged profession, I am flabbergasted by her actions. I never though someone could be that mean and could go that low and point out other people's deformities and would not even be sorry about it.

(I started this blog the morning after we arrived home, Oct 19, 2009 and its still a work in progress as I try to sort out my thoughts. I need to finish this soon for fear of my Dory-like symptoms taking over else I might forget some precious memories)

It seems like yesterday that I just wrote an entry about us missing our flight and here I am now about to impart about how my body is battling jetlag and the 12hours time difference from the East Coast to the hot and very humid Philippines. We traveled for more than 25 hours (including the layovers/stopovers). After 10 plane rides, (1 - Nagoya, 2- going to Detroit, 3- VA, 4-FLA, 5- back to VA, 6-NY, 7-back to VA, 8-Detroit, 9-Nagoya, 10-MNL), 9 different hotel rooms (2- VA, 1 FLA, 3- NJ, 1-DC, 1-NY, 1-MA), numerous bus rides to 6 different states, a stiff neck for sleeping at the JFK airport, countless air shuttles, trams, shuttles.... I am finally home. I know I needed sleep since I barely slept a wink on my last night in the US nor did I get comfortable enough to nap in my claustropobic-prone plane seat but I just couldnt. I have a lot to say about this trip, it was indeed an interesting one and this was the first time that I cried when I left US and up until now, I can still feel my heart breaking. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things will work out just fine.

I will try to narrate as detailed as possible my adventures, mishaps and encounters.

 

 WEEK I

Sept 20 (philippine time)  We rushed to the airport at 2pm and when we arrived, lo and behold, we found out that we missed our flight. I wont go into the details but thats it... we missed our flight. So we contacted our agent and she immediately rebooked us for the next flight the next day that means rebooking fees and crappy seats, only to find out we have excess baggage so we reopened our luggage and did some magic for us to bring everything, thank god it worked or else we needed to pay $300!. Since we were rebooking our flight, we were at the airport at 1am and opted not to sleep! So off we go..... we left PI at 645 in the morning and arrived in Japan 3 hours after that. I thought I would go crazy for the longest and most stressful plane ride I had, I was still reeling over the fact that we missed our flight and the seats we got since we were chance passengers did not help my mood either. So we had snacks, lunch, dinner and breakfast on board. Food was not that good since based ont their menu, the only viand I could eat is chicken. Yes, up to this point I am holding myself out from pork and beef.  So we arrived in Detroit after 12-13 hours of flight from Japan and waited for the next plane only to find out that the plane to Norfolk will be sooooooo small that most of the passengers have to bend down. We got crappy seats next to the lavatory, fortunately, its a short plane ride of over an hour.  Fast forward, I woke up at around 6am and saw the view from the hotel room which was sooooo nice and peaceful and serene... with the lake, swans and nice trees. So mom and I decided to go out for a walk right before breakfast.  I went to the verranda, she walked to the pool. Place was deserted and I heard her call: "Anak, tignan mo oh!"  (Look at this), the Pinoy guy around my  age who was doing his morning run, stopped, removed his earphones and asked: "po?". Mom: Pilipino ka? d kaw, ung anak ko, ayun" (Are you Pinoy? Im referring to my daughter). So I approached them with caution because at this time I havent taken a bath yet and was in the shirt and jogging pants I slept in. So I smiled. So pleasantries were exchanged and exchange of names then he asked what I do back home and mom dropped the bomb: "Lawyer sya" (She is a lawyer). A look of surprise (or was it shock/fear?) on the guy's face and he took a couple of steps back! I swear, I could have laughed out loud on his reaction. I bumped into him the day we left for Florida, it was a bit awkward.

 The wedding day, September 26.

I didnt expect how tiring this day would be. To my ultimate surprise, I was the unofficial wedding coordinator. I had to talk with the priest, the photographer, the entourage. I was given specific instructions to arrange the entourage at a specific time. When I finally lined up everyone, I was shocked to be reminded that I forgot to get the bride! So in my heels, I run like crazy to get my Ate. Whew! Just in time

WEEK II

Florida Tour

September 27-30

My aunt and uncle, cousins, cousin-in-law, niece and I all went to Florida for a 4-day Disney World adventure which was supposedly the newly-weds honeymoon. On our first day we went to the Magical Kingdom and ended the day with fireworks, On our second day we went to Animal Kingdom. where I enjoyed the Safari and Everest Expedition. On our third day- Epcott where I enjoyed the Test Track, I also saw La Noube at Downtown Disney which featured my absolute fave Cirque du Soleil and had a Wolfgang Puck pizza for dinner. On our last day, Hollywood Studios.

WEEK III

East Coast Tour

I visited the following states for our East Coast tour.

Day 1 - Arrival in NY. It was the day when I realized that we will be surrounded by yellow. wahhh!!! Met JX at the travel agency. Remember this name because he is a key figure in my East Coast tour. We proceeded to Chinatown to drop our luggage, had lunch at a nearby Vietnamese restaurant then went around Chinatown, Little Italy and Soho then retreated back to the travel agency to catch some nap.  During the night we went to Pier 17, Time Square, Rockefeller Plaza and other landmarks. We went to NJ for our hotel where I bumped into JX again. He asked where we are from, I said Philippines. His reaction: Maganda, maganda, salamat! 

Day 2:

New York - Chinatown, SOHO, Little Italy (love you La bella Ferara --- yummy pastries!), UN, Rockefeller Plaza, Magnolia Bakery, US Intrepid Museum, Statue of Liberty, Time Square, Broadway, Madam Tussade's Wax Museum, Empire State. It was in Intrepid Museum wherein ML asked if I was married, I said no. To my surprise, he said: Then I have a chance then? Of course my companion was the one who replied for me: Oh. she is a lawyer. ML just smiled since his parents are also litigators. 

Dinner: Chinese restaurant in NJ.

 Day 3:

Philadelphia - Liberty Bell Tower, US Mint

 

DC - Smithsonian museum, Capitol, White House, Abraham Lincoln Memorial, Thomas Jefferson Memorial, White house, Vietnam War Memorial. We were walking on the open grounds on our way to one of the memorials where we were a couple of steps behind ML and JX.  JX turned around, saw me, beamed at me and said hi. I smiled politely to acknowledge him but I guess he got other ideas because he stopped, for a second, crossed the path, walked right next to me saying :Maganda, Maganda. I asked him if he even knows what it means. He whispered to my ear and said, Beautiful Girl. And before I knew it, he put his arm on my shoulder and whispered again: So how are you? I heard my companion gasp and ML said: Oh you are not supposed to touch her like that, maybe its me or someone else but you are not suppose to touch her like that. I was too shocked to react. My companion then said: I'll sue you.

It was also in DC that I had to hold on to the table to prevent being "slurped" into oblivion due to eating habits of some people.

Dinner: Chinese restaurant in DC

Day 4:

Pennsylvania - Hershey Chocolate World.  Its a yummy experience. I can smell the cocoa cooking.

It was also in PA wherein one of our tour mates had a run in with a store so we got held up a bit.

It was at this time that I was starting to experience the Chinese food overload symptoms and vowed not to eat chinese food for the next few months.

Niagara-  Niagara Falls where my teeth aches everytime I smile because it was sooooo cold and I was holding on to the railings for dear life since it was soooo windy that the Maid of the Mist was out of operation for the day.

Dinner: Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, Boston where we ate lobster. (poor little creatures)

Day 6: Boston, MA

Massachusetts - got a glimpse of Harvard and MIT. Had a yummy boston chowder and lobster roll inside the Quincy Market. We visited Plymouth as well and I absolutely love the picturesque setting of the sea and the yacths and the B&Bs (bed and breakfast) and quaint little stores lining up the shore. I also got to meet a gorgeous cockapoo (mix of cocker spaniel and poodle). Such a sweetheart. I would like to go back to Plymouth for a relaxing weekend someday.

Dinner: hallelujah! foodcourt. Choices, at last!

Day 7: MA - RI - CT - NY

Rhode Island - got to see the Breakers Mansion. A massive and elegant building which has a sad story about a family.

New Haven Connecticut - visited Yale and it was only then that I discovered how active feminist movement is in Yale. Stanford's campus is bigger and more massive but as ML said, its not about the campus, its about the principle.

It was on our way to New Haven, Connecticut that ML approached me when I was alone standing at the Visitor's Center, he asked: message? I said: SMS. ML: Boyfriend? I couldnt reply because it was a personal question that popped out of the blue. He then ranted on what sort of cheesy messages I sent.  Before he could continue any further, my companion arrived. The conversation or should I say monologue stopped there.

Dinner: Peking duck dinner from Chinatown, NY and Cannolllis

New YOrk - We spent the night at a hotel in New Jersey and proceeded to West Point and Woodbury Commons. I made a bee line to the Gucci and bought myself a wallet and bag which then completed my shopping wishlist which are 2 pairs of pants, some shoes, a Gucci bag and wallet and a Jordan rubber shoes. ML looked at my purchases and saw the ring on my finger and said: Oh you are engaged. I retorted: Do you really think I would accept a ring with a stone that small? ML got the last line: So will you marry me if I am rich?  I like smart girls. He looked at my face for any reaction, and sure enough there wasn't any.

 

JX was the one who took us to JFK. ML said we are better off staying at the airport than spend more than a hundred bucks for a hotel.  I told JX about this and he said I should have talked to him about it  earlier .(Fat chance! after what happened!) JX offered to book us a hotel in the second Chinatown  and I had this instant retort of saying: no more Chinese! My companion refused saying we could just stay at  one of the nearby hotels. Bad idea! All hotels were booked so we had to make do with the foodcourt at JFK airport. I will forever curse ML for not booking us a hotel!

WEEK IV

When we went back to VA. I expected it to be a no nonesense week. Boy, was I wrong. The day before we left, an emotional  ticking bomb exploded! I have never seen someone that angry and in so much pain. I can never forget the crestfallednlook on herface. It made me cry to see her like that. She doesnt deserve it. That scene will forever be etched in my memory and up until now when I remember that, it still makes my cry. I am hoping things will work out fine. It made me think twice about long distance relationships.

 

 

 

As i said before, this is the first journey that we planned way in advance and well... the stupidest thing happened. We missed our flight. Since I was busy making do with my work before my vacation leave, my mom was the one who arranged everything. She met up with our travel agent and she was the one holding the ticket. She said our flight is on 645PM. It so happens that this teeny weeny important detail escaped us.... its military time meaning its 645 = 645 in the morning. Arrghh.... I was tossing and turning last night, and I guess that was the reason. We have yet to call the airlines to fixed the problem, thing is, its Sunday today so no one is answering. And it surprises and irks me that they dont have 24/7 customer service. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things will turn out well with no extra fee. Gosh. positive thinking!!!!! 

We have been preparing for this trip for months. I think this is the first trip that we actually prepared for. All of our trips abroad, and I mean, ALL were products of spontaneousness of my dear mom and impetuousness of my gorgeous self.   But since we will be attending a very important family event, a lot of preparations both financially and permissions were needed.  I only started packing the other day but I cant seem to get it right. It took me forever to rummage through my clothes and try to determine what to bring and what not to bring. I think there is no perfect way of packing the perfect wardrobe especially if we will be touring different states with different weather.  With the 24 hours journey (2 stopover and waiting time), I am not exactly looking forward to the plane ride. Everything seems to be surreal since the whole family has been preparing for this moment years before. A few cancellations and arguments and finally, the moment has arrived, the date has been set and there is definitely no turning back.

 

***

On a different note, I do need to post this before I forget this frustration and disappointment I am feeling. I havent contacted Choey for over a week now. I consider it a feat but today, I felt a whack in my head (not physically, mind you) but it was a sudden realization that maybe Choey is not the person I thought (or wanted) him/her to be. *sigh*   I was never a friend I guess. hmmm... maybe I should scratch him/her off my friends list. I did that before, it aint that hard. 4k to 7k? what a ripoff!

 

 

 

I would like to think that I have more control of my patience and emotions but tonight, I failed. Everything stopped for a second in the restaurant we were having dinner at when I demanded that we go home and I walked out of the restaurant. It was not a pretty sight and it made me look bad, and it is an embrassing moment but I dont think I could have delivered my message any clearer, or did I?

 

I am hoping again that by going on this trip that when I get back things will be better, no more obsession, I will no longer be a burden, my mind would be clearer and I wont be groping on what I should or should not do. I would like to think that by being passive, life would be simple but I think by being passive, I am just prolonging the agony and I am being a coward for not dealing with what I should be dealing with right now. It doesnt help that time is running out. tic toc tic toc